Happy 1/4 Birthday to Avery!

(This is a letter to Avery I wrote on her 0.25 birthday. My sisters write letters to their babies every month, and I didn't think that I would, but when you spend so much time with a little person who doesn't understand what is going on, it creates this unfulfilled need to communicate with them.  This is the only way that I can tell her how I feel and even though it will be years before she can read this, it makes me feel better to know that at least if she doesn't get it now, someday she will.)

Dear Avery,

The past three months have been such a fast-paced roller coaster. Who would have thought that the days would fly so quickly when I am spending my time all my time with a person who does nothing but eat and sleep?

We are finally getting settled in.  Only just this week do I feel like life together is regulating. And I am so glad! You go to bed at about 10:30, and wake up at about 7:30.  You usually have a big nap in the morning and increasingly smaller naps every 90 minutes after that.  You are still good at being dragged around places as long as I time it right.  I go on errands almost everyday with you, because being in the stroller sometimes helps you fall asleep, and it gets me out of the house. 

Getting you to fall asleep can still be quite a challenge sometimes though.  If I don't catch you at the right moment, life for both of us gets really hard really fast. I can only rock you for so long before my arms give out, and not being able to soothe you when you are crying is one of the worst feelings in the world. We have had some rough times, but things are definitely getting better. I discovered that you like to go back to sleep really soon after waking up in the morning (thank you Andrea!) and that has helped the days go better. And we are using a swing for the first time today, and you seem to like it.  

You are getting more and more playful everyday! It is so fun :) Your newest trick is blowing bubbles loudly on purpose.  I am pretty sure you think it is a very good way to communicate because you are "talking" a bit less and blowing bubbles more.  It is adorable.  You still love taking baths, and I just bought you a bigger tub because you outgrew the last one. You are just such a great baby - you are always happy as long as you are not hungry or tired, and I am really grateful for that.

Speaking of growing, I love your fatness! I feed you all. the. time. (at least that is what it feels like) and let you nurse for a long time and you are definitely not having any trouble gaining weight.  I think you have to eat so frequently during the day because you go so long at night without eating.  I am okay with it.  It is my job and it is a good one :) Also, I can do other things while you nurse.  Sometimes I eat while you are eating (because I am starving all the time!) and have dropped many a crumb on you. I have also watched almost the entire first season of Reba while nursing you. I love Hulu. And I have figured out how to put on makeup while nursing you.  I am a woman of many talents :) Anyway, you have so many rolls under your chin, it has almost become impossible to clean under all of them.  When we are able to find your neck, it is always surprising to see and it looks so tiny!

My favorite part of the day is every time I go and get you from your crib. You smile so big when you see me and do these huge stretches, and you look so fat and happy, I swear my heart literally gets bigger and warmer just looking at you. I feel so lucky that it is me who gets to spend all day with you and always be there when you wake up. I hope that you enjoy looking at my smitten face because I am always going to be around, grinning at you. I feel like such a love-sick stalker sometimes.  Everywhere you look, there I am! Ha ha!

But in all seriousness, basically I am the biggest sucker for you that I could possibly be. I spoil you so much that many people have looked at me oddly for my doting ways. But I am going to keep on doting. You are my firstborn and therefore it is my right to spoil the crap out of you :) Just know that the past three months have been so happy and I absolutely could not love you more.

P.S. It is true what they say about being a parent.  You will never know what it feels like until you are one. And it is better than you can imagine. Thanks for letting me be yours.